Welp, the UK finally did it. Brexit actually happened. Just when you thought it might never come to pass, it did. But that wasn't the only thing that went down last week. Not by a long shot. Coronavirus also became an official global emergency over the last seven days, and the US economy started showing signs of slowing down. Oh, and part of President Trump’s proposed border wall got blown to Mexico by some strong winds. Also, Kobe Bryant died in a tragic helicopter crash, a fact that, for some reason, almost threatened the funeral of Mr. Peanut. It’s not all bad news, though; citizens of Earth also got the best look at the sun yet, and met the man who bought a Super Bowl ad for the veterinary research that saved his dog’s life. What else happened? More than we could ever recount in one place, but we'll start with this.
The Impeachment Trial Continues
What Happened: The folks tasked with defending President Trump at his Senate impeachment trial got to argue their side.
What Really Happened: So, where are we with that whole impeachment of the president thing? Glad you asked.
At the start of the trial, you’ll remember, managers from the House of Representatives made their case for the impeachment of Trump across three days, running late into the evening every single day. Last week, the defense had the same time to present a counterargument to a Senate controlled by a party that wants it all over already.
That said, how do you defend someone who, just last weekend, was faced with even more evidence of possible wrongdoing? (That evidence, by the way, came from the manuscript of a forthcoming book by Trump’s former national security adviser, John Bolton; we’ll come back to that soon.) Across three days, Trump's team tried a lot of different tactics. For the purposes of this roundup, we'll stick to the highlights.
The first day was, well, a lot of repeating what Trump has been saying for months.
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The argument was, basically, that there’s nothing wrong here except the Democratic Party as a whole. It also involved some, um, questionable parts.
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On the second day, it became clear Trump’s attorneys were about to really dig in. Sort of.
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It also didn’t escape people’s notice that two of the people arguing against impeachment were two of the people who had, in fact, pushed for President Clinton to be removed from office two decades earlier.
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By the final day of the defense’s time, it was clear they were over it already.
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Throughout the entire thing, the ghost of John Bolton lingered. Who leaked the manuscript? (The White House, for what it’s worth, is threatening legal action if the book gets published, despite significant pre-orders.) Will Bolton testify in the Senate, even though Republicans want this finished already? As the evidence against the president continued to build, it still appeared as though GOP Senators wanted to wrap this thing up soon.
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The Takeaway: At the end of the week, the Senate voted against hearing from witnesses, effectively clearing the way for Trump's acquittal. Then, this happened.
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Who’s a Good Boy, Then? Who Is? Who Is?
What Happened: When meeting a new dog for the first time, what’s the polite way to say hello? No, seriously, do you know? Because Democratic presidential hopeful Michael Bloomberg might need some advice.
What Really Happened: It’s an election year, don’t you know, and that means that there are politicians and wannabe politicians out there on the road even as you read this working hard to win support—especially with the Iowa caucuses just around the corner. As the race for the Democratic presidential nomination starts heating up—and the tensions rise between candidates—things are only getting more intense. It's hard out there on the campaign trail. Sometimes, mistakes are made.
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No, you’re not alone in finding that slightly unusual.
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If you’re thinking, Did this somehow turn into a news story?, don’t worry: It most certainly did, because how could it not? But here’s the strange thing: This wasn’t even a one-off.
Perhaps we’re all overreacting, though; maybe there’s some nuance that we’re missing.
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Certainly, the reaction outside of snark seemed to be 50/50 on the question of how awkward this interaction truly was.
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Ever eager to turn absolutely everything into an opportunity no matter the original context, the Bloomberg campaign tried to capitalize on the story itself via a new campaign ad.
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Would that we were all so shameless and able to turn our problems around.
The Takeaway: This, TBH.
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Yours Sincerely
What Happened: Let’s workshop the idea that some phrases in work email need to be tossed out. It’s an interesting concept, and maybe we should take this conversation offline to really work the kinks out.
What Really Happened: Anyone who’s ever had to receive any kind of professional email would sadly understand this viral Twitter thread far too well. Tag yourself, we're … far too many of these to be comfortable admitting to.
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On the plus side, now that everyone can agree these phrases are all euphemisms for expressions of upset, frustration, and a need to tell Stephen just to sit down and stop making unhelpful suggestions for the love of God of course we can’t do that it would bankrupt the—sorry, we got carried away there for a second. What were we saying? Oh, right. Now that we all accept that these phrases are just placeholders for our true feelings, perhaps it’s finally time for a new, more honest level of interoffice communication.
Or work emoji. That could work too, probably.
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The Takeaway: We feel seen.
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